"Preaching or Teaching?"

  

            Over the last few years, the zealous beliefs of many of my friends means I find myself scratching my head in bewilderment and mumbling, “Really???” And then I tend to pull back, step aside, and look at not only what someone has said on any given day, but at how that person lives.

            The “preachers” I shift into the column of “grain of salt” because I doubt their sincerity. They spend so much time proclaiming their views and sermonizing from their hilltops that they rarely recognize their hypocrisy. This is the woman who posts a daily devotional on her status up-date on Facebook but whose own relatives no longer speak to her. This is the man that proclaims his undying devotion to his faith while he lies to his co-workers and steals from his company. This is the woman who asks friends to pray for her or her family because they need a new car or money for a vacation. These are the people who always ask for more while they give less. And they never see the flaws within themselves while they function by spreading fear and misinformation.        

            I find myself avoiding this type of person more and more. At a younger age, I’d try to engage someone like this in a debate of ideas, but time and experience have taught me that extremists yell loudly and insult freely—both things I like to avoid in my milder middle age.

            I have other friends who have deep and profound faith. Not all of them believe in the same religious doctrines, and some don’t believe in any religion at all; yet they embrace a spirituality that cultivates certainty and calmness. This is the woman who shares her beliefs not because she’s expecting to convert anyone, but because she allows friends to see her flaws within her life in the hope that others will find strength by her example. This is the man who questions the canons of his childhood as he survives a divorce and learns to redefine himself and his role as a single parent. His quest takes him onto a different path and leads him to a new creed. This is the woman who spent her childhood and early adult years mired in a religion that piled guilt upon her for every wrong thought or deed. She shares her journey for finding peace within her heart—and passing it on to others. These are the “teachers” in my life.

            And although I don’t embrace the same beliefs as these friends, I never feel their criticism. They never react to me with hostility. They don’t expect me to change who I am or what I believe to match their viewpoints. They don’t define our relationship by forcing me to fit into their round holes.

            So I find myself puzzling over these two types of believers—the Preachers and the Teachers. Both types profess great faith and use their religions to guide their daily lives. Yet, one grates upon me until I sometimes feel raw and bleeding. With the other, I see the nurturing that comes from their convictions. I understand the reasons behind their need to believe because it makes them better people.

 

Copyright 2014 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

"No Shame"

  

See this world  
            Revolving around you   
            ‘Cause you’re sooooo SPECIAL?   
                        A Disney Princess   
                                    Twisted on the inside    
                                    By your Hypocrisy 
            Your venomous spittle sprays 
                        And you shout your righteous indignation
                               Against those who sustain you, clothe you,      
                                     nurture you  
You—The Beggar—   
            Who bites up to the elbow   
                        Your ravenous maw congealed with  
                                    the flesh of the hands that feed you  

You carry No Shame  

                        For badgering, and belittling, and bullying  
                 No Shame   
                        For the lives you taint with your poison 
                 No Shame  
                        For the pain you reap  
            ‘Cause you’re sooooo SPECIAL— 
With this world  
            Revolving around you  

 

Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

 

“No Shame”

See this world  
            Revolving around you   
            ‘Cause you’re sooooo SPECIAL?   
                        A Disney Princess   
                                    Twisted on the inside    
                                    By your Hypocrisy 
            Your venomous spittle sprays 
                        And you shout your righteous indignation
                               Against those who sustain you, clothe you,      
                                     nurture you  
You—The Beggar—   
            Who bites up to the elbow   
                        Your ravenous maw congealed with  
                                    the flesh of the hands that feed you  

You carry No Shame  

                        For badgering, and belittling, and bullying  
                 No Shame   
                        For the lives you taint with your poison 
                 No Shame  
                        For the pain you reap  
            ‘Cause you’re sooooo SPECIAL— 
With this world  
            Revolving around you  

 

Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

 

“Preaching or Teaching?”

 

            Over the last few years, the zealous beliefs of many of my friends means I find myself scratching my head in bewilderment and mumbling, “Really???” And then I tend to pull back, step aside, and look at not only what someone has said on any given day, but at how that person lives.

            The “preachers” I shift into the column of “grain of salt” because I doubt their sincerity. They spend so much time proclaiming their views and sermonizing from their hilltops that they rarely recognize their hypocrisy. This is the woman who posts a daily devotional on her status up-date on Facebook but whose own relatives no longer speak to her. This is the man that proclaims his undying devotion to his faith while he lies to his co-workers and steals from his company. This is the woman who asks friends to pray for her or her family because they need a new car or money for a vacation. These are the people who always ask for more while they give less. And they never see the flaws within themselves while they function by spreading fear and misinformation.        

            I find myself avoiding this type of person more and more. At a younger age, I’d try to engage someone like this in a debate of ideas, but time and experience have taught me that extremists yell loudly and insult freely—both things I like to avoid in my milder middle age.

            I have other friends who have deep and profound faith. Not all of them believe in the same religious doctrines, and some don’t believe in any religion at all; yet they embrace a spirituality that cultivates certainty and calmness. This is the woman who shares her beliefs not because she’s expecting to convert anyone, but because she allows friends to see her flaws within her life in the hope that others will find strength by her example. This is the man who questions the canons of his childhood as he survives a divorce and learns to redefine himself and his role as a single parent. His quest takes him onto a different path and leads him to a new creed. This is the woman who spent her childhood and early adult years mired in a religion that piled guilt upon her for every wrong thought or deed. She shares her journey for finding peace within her heart—and passing it on to others. These are the “teachers” in my life.

            And although I don’t embrace the same beliefs as these friends, I never feel their criticism. They never react to me with hostility. They don’t expect me to change who I am or what I believe to match their viewpoints. They don’t define our relationship by forcing me to fit into their round holes.

            So I find myself puzzling over these two types of believers—the Preachers and the Teachers. Both types profess great faith and use their religions to guide their daily lives. Yet, one grates upon me until I sometimes feel raw and bleeding. With the other, I see the nurturing that comes from their convictions. I understand the reasons behind their need to believe because it makes them better people.

 

Copyright 2014 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

"The Best Advice"

         Just like most people, I’ve received my share of “deconstructive” advice over the years. You know what I mean. The two cents worth that a busybody must impart with great sincerity and greater hypocrisy. You smile and nod your head with a vague look in your eyes. You bite your cheek to prevent spewing your desired response, and instead you politely say, “Thank you so much for your advice.” Then you go on ahead and ignore it all because you doubt the motivations of this “well meaning” advisor.

         However, I do know that some people in my life bestowed wonderful tidbits of guidance and philosophy that carried me through rough times. Many of these pieces of advice came from unexpected sources when I least foresaw the impact of their wise words. I’ve grown to cherish these principles and thought I’d pass them along today. I don’t want to present these canons in any particular order because at different points in my life, they’ve taken on different degrees of importance.

1.       Don’t have a television set in your bedroom. Couples don’t need that distraction. (This came from my mother right before I got married.)

2.      Try everything twice because you may not like it the first time around. (My father’s marital advice. So many different levels to this tidbit . . .)

3.      Never stay in a relationship if there’s physical or emotional abuse. (Both of my parents were very firm on this.)

4.      You have your entire life to reach for goals and dreams. (My father finished college at the age of 48 and started a new career at 50.)

5.      Enjoy each and every stage of childrearing and parenthood. (Remember, your relationship with your children lasts your entire lifetime.)

6.      Sometimes, you just have to put your head down and plow through the bullshit by sticking out a bad situation until you get to the “good stuff.” (Delayed gratification leads to such tremendous rewards.)

7.      Choice becomes a part of every day. We cannot often control what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to those events. (I’ve always had trouble with this because I want to try to control situations/events/people. You know, trouble shoot and prevent; but somehow that rarely works.)

8.      Plan for the worst, but hope for the best. (These words guide my daily life now more than ever.)

9.      You can spend your life miserable looking at what you don’t have, or you can spend your life happy with what you do have. (I can never understand why some people choose to be unhappy, but they do.)

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman