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| Red Oak in January 2021 |
My last blog post, written almost a year ago to this date, recounted the events on the attack on the Capitol in real time. Since that time, my fingers hovered unsuccessfully over the keyboard multiple times. I had so much to say. And yet, nothing came to the page. My brain downshifted into some kind of “wait” mode. Until today—My New Year starts with a longing to reflect on 2021 and to encapsulate events, thoughts, and feelings month-by-month.
Maybe I can salvage some perspective
by attending to all of those little things that make life difficult, but
rewarding. I can take time to find gratitude that we could pay cash to help my
brother when his car broke down again last January. I can appreciate that I
shifted to a slower pace for each day—gardening, reading, and crafting. I can
feel pride that our continued vigilance against getting sick with COVID-19
meant that our health wasn’t compromised.
The
losses from last January weigh me down to this date. I stepped away from friends
and family members who continue, even today, to defend the insurrectionists who
attacked the Capitol. My grieving continues because they cling to this false
narrative that I cannot understand or excuse. My sorrow entwines with my
reexamination of what drew me into these relationships to begin with. Have I
changed so much, or have they? Did we form our bonds, and weave them together,
over common life events years ago, but drifted so slowly away from each other
that I never noticed the tension on our ties until the break became
irreparable?
Copyright 2022 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman
