Saturday, February 25, 2023

"Future"

             



            We walk through nightmares of the past,
living an existence of future fears.
            Desperately struggling among the mountainous
crags of pre-fabricated foods and chemically made beer cans,
our test tube babies weep with bitter need,
as automated mothers
rock rhythmically back and forth.
            No one saw today as it was to be.
            We run through our own living hell,
Never feeling, desiring, or loving.
            Mirrors are no longer needed,
nor are youthful photographs taken—
for images of ourselves are seen scrambling
among the barren garbage dumps
searching for rustic vestiges of yesterday—
an identity.
            No one saw today as it was to be.
            We trudge through old decaying minds,
trying to forget our own impotence.
            Whimpering trepidations never cease,
for like howling canines long starved for passion,
the souls of society disintegrated
into a pile of biological residue.
            And no one say today as it was to be.

Copyright 1975 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Friday, February 24, 2023

“The Dental Nightmare”

Before braces


            Have you ever had tooth nightmares? The one where whole teeth keep falling out of your mouth as you go about your day? Or the one where you spit, look down, and find little flakes of your teeth coating the palm of your hand?

            While stretched out in the dental chair yesterday, my mind shifted to those nightmares and then began cataloging all of the dental work done during my lifetime to keep my unique smile happy and true. I thought about the first time the drill hit my six-year molars. That high pitched whine and grind, the sharp tool scraping out the cavity. I can still feel the pressure, pressure, pressure as the dentist packed my tooth with metal. Little flecks pricked against my tongue. Rinse. Spit. Rinse. Spit. Rinse. Spit. Repeated until all of the pieces swirled down the drain of the spittoon sink.

            Most people dread dental visits, but my positive bond began the next time I needed work when I was ten-years-old. Dr. Frank Bond’s gentle hands and constant reassurances calmed my nerves. He explained to my parents that my crowded lower teeth and buck uppers would worsen because my small jaw simply couldn’t fit in everything. He showed them how little room my mouth had and prepped us for the removal of four teeth with my next visit.  Fortunately, he referred us to the orthodontist next door. My long and uniquely close relationship began with Dr. Jack Payne.

Second year
First year with braces!













            The draconian braces of the 1960s included full metal bands wrapped around each tooth. Spacers forced movement, wires held everything in place, and pain became partnered with each and every visit. Sometimes, a wire would break and stab into my lips. Dental wax resided next to my pencils and pens in my desks at school. Unfortunately, every tooth in my mouth needed to move. That required headgear. Dr. Payne explained that the more I wore this horrible device, the faster my teeth would shift into place. The first thing I did each day after school was pull on the  contraption that went around the crown of  my head to hook onto designated teeth. The added embarrassment came from the rubber bands that crisscrossed inside my mouth. Nothing worse for a preteen girl than having a lethal weapon fire off unexpectedly when carrying on a conversation with my crush, Gary Austin.


Retainers!


            The grueling process for aligning my bite took three very long years and a $1,000 loan my parents had to take through the credit union. No one expected the setback that occurred a few months after I became brace-free. Although I had both an upper and lower retainer on my teeth, shifting started up! A quick round of x-rays showed that my wisdom teeth were coming in early, with absolutely no room for them. Because of my young age, the military dental surgeons would only take out two at a time. The excruciating pain, and my unexpected addictive reaction to codeine, meant I suffered with only Bayer Aspirin available for relief. I returned to school bruised and swollen, but undefeated. Dr. Payne sent me Christmas cards for many years with reindeer in braces or angles smiling with wires and bands attached.

            They always made me smile—nice and straight!

 

Me now!












Copyright 2023 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman  

Thursday, February 23, 2023

"Death"






She silently slipped into my room
            bringing night’s enveloping velvet blackness
                        in her sunken eyes and raven hair
Her hands reached out for mine
            coaxing me to dance with her
                        along that icy rim of eternity
My head felt heavy upon my pillow
            My arms and legs merged into my bed
                        immobile and leaden
Her breath poisoned the air
            seeping into my lungs with molten heat
                        chilling my blood into a sluggish, frozen river
I turned my eyes away
            staring fixedly into myself
                        Yet she was there
                        Empty and hollow
                        a void—nothing
            and I moved toward her
            even as I moved away
she whispered words I could not hear
            and yet I did her bidding
sobbing for days
            Until my eyes ached red and dry
            and my heart bled into
                        itself
            wracking my body with unreal pain
                        no one but she understood
I fought to escape
            turning to flee
                        with nowhere to go
She stood before me, beside me, behind me
                        within me
Then I heard
            faint and distant
                        a trill of laughter
                                bubbling and rippling through the starless night
            an intermingling of voices
                        high and low—calling my name
                                    giving me direction
                                                away, away
I pulled myself away from her deathly dance
            Yanked myself out of her clutching grasp
                        moved toward the golden sounds
                                    of love and light
She followed me
            she stayed with me
                        now and forever
I sense her presence
know the sound of her footfall
            instinctively sniff the air for her scent
                        careful and cautious
She still wants me
            her pull and determination both suck me into her orbit
                        and repel me with horror
            But those voices of laughter
                        with the eyes of sunlight
                                    and smiling mouths of delight
                        carry a stronger current
They always rescue me
Take me where she cannot reach me
            protect me for a little while
                         . . . love me

Copyright 1999 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman


Wednesday, February 22, 2023

“Too Fast

 

            Lesson learned over the past few days: Knee recovery just took a major hit.

 

            For three consecutive days, I pedaled on the recumbent bike or danced around the house with uninhibited glee. I completed thirty minutes of exercise nirvana that set my heartrate high and left my skin glistening with satisfactory perspiration. My bebopper body boogied from room-to-room with abandon. And although the bike’s resistance level stayed on ONE, I cycled for thirty minutes without pause.

            Three days of triumph plummeted to dismay yesterday when I attempted to walk into the backyard to start my gardening goals. My pesky right knee shot a brief stab of pain just under the cap. I looked down, noticed puffiness, and altered my yardwork plans immediately.

            A return to a reclining repose, elevation with pillows, and ice packs administered hourly means this morning my leg looks normal. I’m tempted to resume yesterday’s plans of hours spent raking leaves, trimming dead limbs, and fertilizing the gardens. Then I remember that my knee’s warning needs to shift my focus to slowing down for another day.

            I still have a difficult time realizing that altering my daily schedule impacts no one but me! Being fully retired means gardening really can wait for tomorrow. Wednesday wrestling with wash? I can shift the chore to any weekday without causing a rift in Time.

            Instead of pushing my knee into action today, I plan on watching old episodes of Monk as I participate in another round of rest and recline. Consecutive days of exercise may shift into the future. Whenever I chance exerting my knee again, I’ll keep in mind that I did too much too fast.

Slow and steady will really win this race!

 





Copyright 2023 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

                 

 

 

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

“Rinse and Repeat”

 

Front garden today!


            








            February in San Antonio plays out in a pattern of freezes followed by temperatures nudging close to 80°. Today’s clear day will top out at 83°. Annually, I use President’s Day to mark the first round of fertilizer on the gardens and yards.

            This morning, I’ll check the bin outside that houses the sprayer to see if it contains enough Miracle Grow to cover everything. If I enough, today’s “exercise” will focus on thoroughly watering all the beds with added nourishment. For tomorrow, another projected day of warmth, I’ll determine the best way for me to clear leaves from the front yard as my right knee still pings warnings if I overuse it. I may simply sit in place and use an old, broken rake to clear the areas needing the most work.




On this week's agenda

            The other part of my spring cycle entails checking the nighttime lows for consecutive 60° or above temperatures. Once the warmer nights hit, the plants being green housed inside will move back outside where I’ll assess their need for larger pots. This annual routine signals the return of spring.

            I love the repetition of life as I move from one season to the next. The reprise becomes my ritual now etched into my daily habits.  Rinse and repeat, year after year, brings comfort to me.

 

Waiting for warm nights

Copyright 2023 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Monday, February 20, 2023

“His Type"

 



In youth, he found a filly

One he bullied into submission

Turning her against herself

Holding her reigns tightly

Until her hooves pounded him into the ground

 

Next, he discovered a stately mare

One he adorned with silver and turquois

Turning her against herself

Grooming her for the family stable

Until her temperament demanded his temperance

 

He searched from stable to stable

One he enticed with his wealth

Turning her against herself

Forcing her to become the lost filly

Until her pride bolted her from his control

 

Now he seeks a steady mount

One he temps with everlasting security

Will he turn her against herself

Commanding her to his will

Until her soul requires nurturing he can’t give

 

February 20, 2023





 

Sunday, February 19, 2023

"Blessing in Disguise"

 

New couch with new floors!

            Before my dad died, he installed off-white carpet throughout their home to offset the richly dark paneling that walled their home, a typical decorating style in the late 1970s. Only three adults lived in the house, and he figured the more expensive Berber carpet would last for many years.  After he died, Mom moved to an apartment in San Antonio, leaving my brother alone in the home. My brother tended to enter his house through the garage, which meant the area next to that door became an eyesore.

White painted cabinets we did!
            We spent many visits with my brother fixing and refreshing odds-n-ends around his home. Sometimes we focused on yardwork out back. We spent many days with paint brushes in hand when Mom talked my sister and me into painting the dark kitchen cabinets white. I tackled the first round of decluttering the garage, and my brother helped me paint his bedroom a soft blue. We bought a carpet cleaner, but it never seemed to handle the trail that tracked Charles’s footsteps from garage to his bedroom.

            We debated ripping up just the carpet in the hallway, the highest traffic area. After tiling our entire home in San Antonio, we toyed with the idea of taking a couple of weeks off to rip out the off-white nightmare to install tile floors into every room of Charles’s home. This labor intensive project, once we ran the numbers, proved too expensive as a gift for my brother. We shoved the ugly carpet out of our minds and focused on funding his property taxes and car repairs instead.

            Around this time in 2021, a huge ice storm devastated Texas homes and businesses. My brother spent a huge part of the crisis staying at work and in a hotel room his boss rented for employees who had freeze damage. One pipe burst in the master bathroom that flooded Charles’s entire home. When he finally entered his home, it was to find water in the garage and every room of the hideous carpet sopping wet. He entered a nightmare of the scope he’d never handled alone. My sister found a wonderful, reliable general contractor who understood my brother’s limitations. She ripped out the carpet within hours, oversaw the plumber as he repaired the burst pipes, and with her camera documented damage for the insurance claim.

            As the entire state competed for supplies, it took months for the floors Charles selected to arrive. Sheetrock, something usually stacked several feet high at hardware stores, didn’t become available until June in his area. Bit-by-bit, the contractor moved from room to room installing the new floors Charles selected. He wanted tile, not wood. Another flood hitting his home won’t translate into floor damage!

            This month, we passed the anniversary of that terrible storm. Although the experience almost stressed my brother to his limits, he speaks of how much he loves the new floors. As he lived through the disaster, he felt overwhelmed. Now, though, he speaks of it as a blessing in disguise. His home became his haven.

Spare bedroom with new floors!



Copyright 2023 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman