“A Sense of Self”

X  

Boldly marks through the problem 

An expression of your autonomy 

You decide which Life complication you’ll solve  

or delete  

or deny  

Your independence gets erased   

Because questions can’t be skipped  

You spin out of control   

Terror and tantrums entwined  

As you scream and run and hide—  

Even from yourself  

 

Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

 

 

“The Play”

ACT ONE              

            She lightens her brown hair        

                        He prefers blondes        

            She leaves family, drops friends      

                        He wants her to himself        

            She quits schools, leaves her job        

                        He cheats and she forgives        

ACT TWO         

 

            He demands exact replicas        

                        She produces an heir and a spare        

            He expects superiority        

                        She learns deceit and lies        

            He builds and buys a lifestyle        

                        She numbs herself with wine        

ACT THREE        

            A mansion filled with regrets        

                        Their marriage is a glossy veneer        

            Time spent in sun and sand       

                        Their love becomes a mirage        

            A picture of perfection       

                        Photoshop over Truth        

 

Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

"On The Outside"

Required attendance 

Yet superfluous and unnecessary  

once there  

out of place  

in the drunken alien celebration  

every weekend of the year  

Standing unnoticed  

Sitting ignored  

Free to observe  

the tribal dance around the fire  

Invited out of habit  

Mandatory appearances  

Yet resented and misunderstood  

for Differences  

pointless as a fork in a bowl of cereal    

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

"A Family's Spin"

Smiles—   

masks worn to hide empty souls   

Hugs—   

embraces feigning loving devotion   

Laughter—   

covers of shrill condemnation and lies   

Closeness—   

disguises of endless discord   

Piety—   

prayers smugly offered for self-adulation   

Family—   

actors preforming prescribed scripts   

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman 

“Abuse”

He flattered her as he flattened her   

            sucked out her laughter   

                        siphoned her vitality away   

                                    one drop at a time   

                                                until she became two-dimensional   

He paired cruel insults   

            with rare compliments   

                        eroded her spirit   

                                    by belittling her   

                                                convinced her no one cares   

                                                            except for him   

He made his harsh world hers   

            forced her to choose him   

                        before her parents and over her siblings   

                                    isolated her from their love   

                                                demanded she love no one   

                                                            except for him   

He scorned her appearance   

            amplified her imperfections and flaws   

                        derided her   

                                    as worthless and unlovable to everyone   

                                                except for him   

He mocked her interests   

            stole her away from her nature   

                        moved her into his goals   

                                    while tearing apart her dreams   

                                                bullied her into forsaking everything   

                                                            except for him   

He vindictively cut her judgment   

            taught her to doubt her decisions   

                        commanded she trust no one   

                                    except for him   

                                                as he brainwashed her   

                                                            day by day   

                                                                        year after year   

Copyright 2012 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

“Defense Mechanisms”

Defend and Protect at all costs    

bury unpleasant thoughts and feelings under, down, below    

refuse to accept reality    

deny, deny, deny    

change existence and rewrite your life    

fabricate your lies until they morph into your new reality    

regress or act out    

childishly punch the wall of your frustration    

disconnect from your follies    

forget, forget, forget    

place each dissonant thought into a strongbox    

locked away even from yourself    

project your pettiness and bitterness onto the wholesome    

react in opposition with your infantile impulses    

blockade your imperfections behind fantasy    

beat your spouse, kick the dog—never harm yourself    

Defend and Protect at all costs    

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

“is it real?”

is it real?   

the glowing smile in every photograph   

the arms thrown casually around your husband   

frame after frame   

the friendliness you casually offer to everyone   

the show of happiness you radiate in public   

is it real?   

the vanilla personality that never offends   

the perfect hair, make-up, and outfit   

the gym toned body that defies gravity   

the soccer Mom carpool     

is it real?   

the eyes that don’t shed tears of grief   

the temper that won’t explode   

the heart that can’t break   

the cool reflective surface that never ripples in a breeze   

is it real?   

the excuses for his infidelities   

the acceptance of abuse   

the tolerance for his cruel and belittling words   

the immaculate life with no imperfections   

is it real?   

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

"Ambition"

His ambition

fascinated her—a reflection

of her own drive

      

for ultimate

control in answering only to

her own wishes.

     

He drew her in

with his passionate promises

whispered in bed

while her husband

and children slept in innocence

and ignorance.

 

On moon filled nights

she pledged her bright future to him,

desperately

clinging to him.

Crumbling her disillusionment

within her fist.

     

Wagering all

against a bid for happiness

with a new life

centered on him.

She counted on his commitment

to her—for them,

to bind old wounds

and invent a life together

without heartache.

Year drifts to year

as her love grows, but his wavers

and then retreats

back to control

of his own life and ambitions.

He abandons

     

her for himself.

His selfishness now a mirror

for her sorrow.

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

“Mother’s Clone”

cradled gently in her arms   

Mother bends her head close to Child   

her finger feathers the pure smooth cheek     

her hair becomes a sheltering shield   

protecting them from prying eyes   

in syncopation Mother and Child breathe   

one without the womb   

Mother’s eyes mist as Child’s hair darkens   

her mouth becomes a rigid line     

when bluish eyes turn brown   

her voice takes on ice     

when others note differences   

in syncopation Mother and Child breathe   

one without the womb   

Mother’s heart hardens   

her Child wields her wayward will   

with terrible temper tantrums   

fists and teeth and legs fighting   

struggling against Mother’s programming   

in syncopation Mother and Child breathe   

one without the womb   

desperation drives Mother’s dissatisfaction   

she tethers Child with demands   

her fears feed phobias and fictional afflictions   

her disappointment distorts her love   

her rejection rips through Child   

in syncopation Mother and Child breathe   

one without the womb

 

Mother and Child stab and wound   

pushing and pulling in tangled bindings   

never severing the umbilical cord   

they dance in macabre madness   

enmeshed and ensnared within their love-hate trap   

in syncopation Mother and Child breathe   

one without the womb

 

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

“Baring Gifts”

She’s Marie Barone—on steroids       

baring gifts of guilt       

wrapped in gilded foil   

dripping honeyed compliments   

sprinkled with ground glass   

leaving you bleeding on the inside   

With a smile she blames you for her cruelty   

twisting her tales   

defending her intrusions   

she belittles you as she praises you   

tearing you down to control you   

with gossip she snatches away your privacy   

claiming she only acts with love   

Lock your doors   

Don’t let her in   

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman