Wednesday, October 8, 2025

“Counting Losses”



Every morning, my phone alarm pulls me awake at 7:15. I don’t linger in bed. Instead, I puton my clothes tossed onto the floor the night before and head outside to hand water both yards. This ritual sets the pace of my day. I may chat with my neighbor who has a similar routine. Most days I use the time to create a mental “TO DO” list. 

In the past, our dogs loved looping through the yard with me. Koi often grabbed the hose to battle it’s snake-like threat. Bridget would zoom through the backyard, black lightning that zipped in circles around my legs. I miss them the most when I head to the swing under our tree, book in hand. I long to see Bridget flipped onto her back, dancing against the ground. I listen for Koi’s yip to pull me inside when it gets too warm outside. Bridget’s loss, so long ago, has sharpened now that Koi’s gone.

Since January, my ability to hold onto any kind of optimism diminishes daily. I have started counting the losses that chip away at my life, the lives and livelihoods of friends and family, and our country’s democracy. I no longer feel safe if I venture out of our neighborhood. We’ve created a security bubble that snugs us into the same shops and restaurants and avoid interacting with people who still defend the monstrous, inhumane acts of this administration.

I fear, too, talking to anyone who voted for Trump. Will they still defend the madness that’s whipping through our country? Will they conjure up excuses? Will they state that this IS what they really want? I don’t think I can risk another round of losses right now. Some friendships, that I’ve cautiously and carefully nurtured back after the January 6, 2021 attack on the Capitol won’t survive another hit. I have no desire to give anyone another chance if they support this current drive to destroy our Constitution.






Instead of risking confrontations while I’m at a low point, I decided to do a major project in the back yard. With shovels, rakes, and determination, we removed vines from the spot where our cats are buried, and kneeling near their graves, my losses added up. I hefted the top soil bags into the area, dumped them and spread the dirt with my hands, intentionally ignoring my gardening gloves. My spade hollowed out spots for Mexican Heather and Fox Tale Ferns. Sweat dripped down my glasses, but I toiled until every plant found it’s new home. I robbed rocks from other spots in our yard, ringing this new garden with hope. 


Maybe by next summer, instead of counting losses, I’ll be celebrating growth and optimism again. 




Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

 

     

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

"Beginning Again"



Windows 11 won’t load onto my ancient PC, which leaves me vulnerable to all of the nastiness that flows beyond my secure bubble world. Although I don’t  use my PC for tons of online applications, the few I access daily would wave a brilliant red flag to hackers everywhere. 

A quick online search and even faster view of my current budget revealed that my PC couldn’t be modified, which forced me to examine all options and decide to go back to embracing an iMac again as my son didn’t need his Mac mini. Over the years, my son’s generosity gave me access to iPads and a laptop I loved for many years before he built me my own PC. 

Each time I change between a PC and iMac, the learning curve increases. Technology never stays still, and what each platform offers from one year to the next means I’m having to learn how to access all of the “bells and whistles” as I shift from Word to Pages. As I write this passage, I’m unable to locate a thesaurus although I cannot imagine one not being an easy click away. 

My optimistic nature reminds me that learning something new always proves beneficial to my mental health and wellbeing. Beginning again will challenge me with every word written and every photograph taken. At the moment, I can't figure out how to download a picture to this post!  Oh! Here it goes!! 

        What’s not to like?






Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Thursday, September 18, 2025

“Navigating a Moment"



 
Destruction on a daily basis
Leaves me shell-shocked
But that’s the goal
 
Rip and tear families apart
By screaming, “Other!”  
Over and over and over again
 
Demonize educators and scientists
By screaming, “Other!”
Over and over and over again
 
Stifle art, silence music, and dictate words
By screaming, “Other!”
Over and over and over again
 
Battered and bruised
I retreat
And feel shame
I take on blame for their abuse
My stilted words dying on the page
 
How do I navigate this moment?
 

Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

"The Optimist"

  


I cannot spend my days counting losses   
focusing on withered branches and leaves   
opening my heart to your dark decay   
I refuse to bear your broken crosses   
over my threshold—into my beliefs   
by allowing your destruction to stay   
like a hurricane that swirls and tosses   
my gentle soul upon wild waves that heave   
and boil, pulling me under and away   
to the mirage of  dead albatrosses   
where your empty eyes gaze restless and grieve   
for the simple joy of a sun drenched day   



Tuesday, September 16, 2025

"In A Perfect World"

 




In a perfect world

we wrap our children within love, beauty, and grace

the fear
of heavy hands or words that scorch
of empty stomachs and lonely nights
of filth and destitution
            slayed


In a perfect world

we protect the Mother

            the rape
                        of forest and field
                        of streams and oceans
                        of mountain peaks and sloping valleys
            eradicated


In a perfect world

we honor knowledge by encouraging free thought

            the condemnation
                        of different traditions
                        of diversity in truths
                        of multiplicity of dreams
            abolished



In a perfect world . . .


 



Copyright 2013 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman


           


   

Sunday, September 14, 2025

"Don't Tickle the Dragon"


The Dragon Slayer by David Chapman


She soars above river and ravine in magnificence
while despair and fear play hide-n-seek with her smoky shadow.
With penetrating eyes, she seeks and destroys all defiance.
She melts lives with fiery breath and renders fair fields fallow.
Her arbitrary death paralyzes her innocent prey
by syphoning hope from their simple souls one-drop-at-a-time.
Her teeth and claws razor flesh leaving misery and dismay
As she devours their life-blood—without reason, without rhyme.
On bended knee, mankind prays to the ancient gods for relief
And many brave souls with sword and shield challenge her to the death.
Enflamed by anger, she slays them all—fueled on by pagan belief.
All hope becomes lost to young and old—all fear her scorching breath.
Offerings of their children temporarily satiate her greed,
‘til the young princess stands by lakeside awaiting destiny.
A Christian knight from lands unknown approaches on steady steed.
He vows to slay the beast if all pledge to Christianity.
His lance pierces the dragon’s thick hide with a near fatal blow;
with the princess’s girdle, he leads the creature from the lake.
With Ascalon, he impales the dragon—watches her blood flow.
The people cheer, the king sings praise, and an alter he does make.
From the alter spouts water pure, curing all ailments that grow.
The villagers gather ‘round each eve to dance and sing again
of lessons learned from valley to peak that all children should know—
“Don’t play with fire. Don’t pee in the wind. Don’t tickle the dragon!”



Copyright 2013 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Friday, August 15, 2025

“Repair”

 


            Many years ago, we found a delightful weathervane for our backyard. On the top perched a fairy instead of the typical rooster or bird. The first fairy to decorate our outside, she began a collection that gradually grew into special pieces gathered through the years. When a particularly vicious storm blew through one spring, she disappeared. My garden grew, and my hopes dimmed of ever finding her hiding place.

  


         I debated replacing the piece with something new, but eventually enough vines wrapped around the remaining pole that I decided to leave it in its place. Time passed with no sign of her winged figure, and I stopped looking for her altogether. After back-to-back winters of hard freezes, I knelt in my garden hacking away at death and destruction when my hands unearthed her rusted shape. The delight I felt lived shortly once I realized she’d never sit atop her perch again. Rust and time had erased part of her entirely. I tucked her away in an outside bin after my artistic husband and son stated she was beyond repair. No longer lost, but still hidden away, she nagged at all of us until a few weeks ago when my husband and son decided they could recreate her by using their 3-D printer.

            A trial and error cycle began with failures on wing design and attachment landing a couple of prototypes onto the counter. One design finally didn’t fail, and we cheered as she sat upon her newly repainted pole. The UV resistant paint dried quickly, and we waited to see how her resin would handle our August heat. It didn’t! A subtle warp scarred her. Another round of research, a different type of filament, and victory adorned her new design and color!








            Our long lost fairy couldn’t be repaired, but a new blend of art and technology, of hope and determination, adorns the original weathervane.     


Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman




Friday, August 1, 2025

“Hibiscus Surprise”

 


 

            A few years ago, I purchased a nearly dead hibiscus from the discount section at Walmart’s garden center. I’ve never tried to grow this plant and reasoned if I could repot it in a larger container with good soil, it would survive. I liked that it had a braid of branches that twined around and kept my fingers crossed that it would survive and bloom.
            Delight flooded me when the first buds formed on one of the small limbs, and I waited impatiently for the first flowers. Eventually a bright red blossom danced in breeze, and two other buds hinted at healthy growth. My attention focused on the luster of the leaves and the number of buds forming, but I didn’t note their hints of color. The best surprise of this woven bush arrived within a few days when different, lovely blooms glowed!  
            This year, my hibiscus continues to surprise us with three different, vibrant colors. I plan on shifting it into a larger pot soon. With care, it will continue to bring brightness to my garden for years to come.




 
































Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Thursday, July 31, 2025

“Could’ve, Would’ve, Should’ve

 


            We have a defunct hot tub out back that forced me over the last few months to go through a “could’ve, would’ve should’ve” routine. Calls to several removal companies for bids left me questioning spending a lot of money to remove something because a part of me then feels like I’m not gaining anything but space. The cost, too, would make a huge dint out of the funds I’d allocated for my yards and gardens. I could open up the space, but it would remain an ugly, empty space until next year.
            In a more secure financial year, I would’ve replaced the hot tub with a new model. I would’ve shopped around and indulged in something new and fancy. The decrepit hot tub would’ve been carted away as part of the purchase deal. Of course, I would’ve taken on a new debt, too, at a time when job security and economic safety seems uncertain.
            So I settled on my “should’ve” possibilities. I should view the decrepit hot tub with a different eye. Further research showed how to convert it into a raised garden, a lounge area, or even a pond. Although these ideas should fit into our budget easily, I decided to dive into the easiest option—storage! Like most people, we have items that we don’t use, but may eventually need. When we replaced our floors with tile, we had several boxes left over that shifted from the garage to being stored under an old desk covered with tarps. Various art projects left us with wood and cuts of PVC. I dove under the tarps of two old desks to reveal odds-n-ends that we don’t use frequently, but still want to keep.  
            I should’ve known that this solution—storage-- turned into a simpler task than all of the other possibilities. I cleaned the hot tub interior, hauled and organized various items into its wells, and barely tapped into the space. As I clean, clear, and shift items from the garage and various bins out back, I’ll reorganize with an eye of shifting things into the hot tub.
            I should’ve known that sometimes the most obvious solution is the best one. My ugly hot tub received a much need coat of paint and we covered it with a new tarp to keep it water tight. Instead of removing it, or replacing it, we’re embracing it.




 






Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman        

 

           

Tuesday, July 15, 2025

"Reset"

 

Paul and Mom July 1992

            Our cabin near Leakey, Texas rests within a remote area where the hills cup around, making cellphones unusable once we turn off of FM 337 onto Rim Rock Road. My parents purchased the land over thirty years ago, long before cell phones existed, when they were about the same age as we are now. I remember lecturing them to wait until we arrived before they unloaded the supplies from one of the many projects we tackled together during those first years. Without fail, they ignored my warnings. We’d pull up to find they’d maneuvered plywood out of the truck bed on their own. Dad often quipped that they weren’t invalids!

Mom and Dad July 1992



David and Dad July 1992


Finished porch-July 1992

            After Dad died, spending a weekend at the cabin tumbled all of us into grief. We attempted a few trips with Mom, but she cried each time. Once she said, “I see the ghosts of who we were walking outside.” By that time, Huntington’s disease had her wheelchair bound. She’d last a few hours, and then ask for us to bring her home. Once Mom died, we made a few trips up alone where we made a few necessary repairs, cut down a few ever-intrusive cedars, and down-shifted our visit to nights of board games or stargazing. About six years ago, our Escape Hybrid needed extensive and expensive repairs. Because of its age and mileage, we found ourselves purchasing a car that couldn’t handle the rough Rim Rock Road terrain. David’s parents and siblings assured us that we could exchange our car with either their SUV or truck whenever we wanted to make a trip; but in the usual manipulative dance of narcissists, their offer proved shallow.
            For three years, the cabin remained untouched. Last May, David’s cousin and her husband took us up for a weekend. Someone had broken into the place and tossed things around searching for valuables that didn’t exist. This same cousin took me back last November for another quick visual check. Each short view left me determined to get a new SUV, which we did at the end of December.
            This weekend we carefully examined some areas of wood rot in the screened porch area. We tossed around ideas of making the repairs ourselves, but I know that’s unrealistic. We debated over the possibility of taking the area down and just having a huge deck. We discussed finding a local company to hire to do the repairs. At the moment, the damaged area doesn’t hold the danger of falling in on us. We have time to decide the best course. In the back of my mind, I hear my own voice warning my parents, “Wait until we get there. Don’t do anything stupid!”

Our hidden driveway January 29, 2022


  • One task accomplished! January 29, 2022




            That past caution reminded us to limit our visit to one major task. David focused on cutting the knee-high grass that covered the driveway and cleared some cedar. I relined the driveway with rocks.
            Both of us used the sunshine and hard labor to step back and away from work and world. We hit “reset” to return home recharged and ready.


 Copyright 2022 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman
  

Monday, July 14, 2025

"My Morning Musings"

       It occurred to me recently that I need to live my life the way I write about it. When I sit down to blog, I have a general idea of what’s on my mind, but I never generate an outline or a formal form of preplanning. Instead, I let fancy and serendipity take control. I “wing it.”
         In my life, though, I’ve always tried to map out the route to every goal. I’ve planned my agendas with the optimistic misconception that I won’t hit a roadblock or setback that screws everything up. But chaos and life go hand-in-hand. No matter how many lists, outlines, or plans I plot, the unexpected and unpredictable plops dead center and forces quick thinking and alternate courses.
         And isn’t that the fun of life? That spontaneous event that forces us to diverge onto a new track? I wonder about all of the wondrous people and places I’d never encounter if every plan panned out safe and predictable.




The road not taken? Hmmmmm. . . maybe

Copyright 2012 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Wednesday, July 9, 2025

“What I Can Control"



 
            My mornings begin with what I can control. An alarm set for 7:15 AM to remind me to take medications. Rain or shine. Summer or winter. Weekday or weekend. I arise with a routine that sets the tone of my life. I write with pen and paper into my journal or sit before the blank page of my computer for the next hour, maybe two. Some days my thoughts get shared through a poem or personal narrative. Sometimes my private words stay tucked away. My choice on what to publish allows me an element of control.
            By 8:30 each morning, my day shifts outdoors. Rain or shine. Sumer or winter. Weekday or weekend. I section the yards and gardens into concrete, manageable goals that I can accomplish on my own. This spring and summer, I am purchasing new plants and flowers on Monday mornings. My tight budget means I hunt for neglected and reduced items in the garden sections of HEB, Walmart and Home Depot. Each morning I check for growth; and I rejoice with a new tendril, bud, or bloom. My care comforts me and lets me feel as though I have control when a plant grows enough to propagate into another pot.

            Yesterday, I trimmed the hedges out front in anticipation of a larger project—repainting the front porch, back porch and hot tub surround. I know the amount of work required as I’ve done this refresh on my own for years. I will tackle a known entity to allow myself a sense of purpose and control when so many other events in our world spin into chaos. My days with paint brush in hand will allow me to focus on what is right before me.
            I worry that I should do more. I should write more. I should shout loud and clear against this administration that destroys with no intention of rebuilding. I published the link to Project 2025 over and over again. I warned friends and family members month after month about the goals of these people to rape and pillage. Some, even now, smile with smugness as they state, “This is what I voted for!” I cannot control their hatred. I cannot contain their maliciousness.
I cannot change who and what they are. This realization wounds me every single day.        
            
        And so, my energy gets spent on the things I can control. My concentration stays on the people I can protect. My mornings begin at 7:15 AM . . .



   Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman

Tuesday, July 8, 2025

"One Toe Into Stupid"


The road that cuts through our property

            Excitement be-bops in syncopation with music as we snake around the Scenic Loop heading toward our hideaway outside of Leakey. Our vow to spend more weekends in our piece of peace gets swept aside by life’s demands, and so the anticipation for spending a mere twenty-four hours hiking our hills energizes us. Even the dogs know “cabin” means meandering through the hills, sniffing out deer, rabbit, field mice and wild hogs. They fight against the urge to sleep as the car sways into and out of curves.
              Green pulses everywhere. Clouds cap the tallest hills and feather trees with fingers of mist. Raindrops, large and fat, plop against our windshield with unexpected force, but then a few miles further the sun teases through the haze. Next to us, the river runs high in testimony to the heavier rains that soaked the hill country the day before.
            Our new car, hanging closer to the ground than our old SUV, hugs the slick highway with ease, but as I see more evidence of water and localized flooding, I wonder about the condition of the road into our cabin. The three mile final stretch to our place is a gravel and caliche mix with a section of blacktop where one “neighbor” laid asphalt along his property. A dry creek crosses the road in three different sections. One permanent resident in the area owns his own grater and keeps the road passable, but when we pull down the lane our tracks are the only ones to mar the surface. Worry sneaks into the car and settles into my stomach as David crawls us along at a cautious ten miles per hour. He eases the car’s speed even slower as we near a patch of rocks. We crunch over gravelly patches, but when thump, thump, thump rattles the car, he brings us to a complete stop.
            I hop out and scan the area behind us, trying to find the rock we must have grazed, but can’t see anything large or protruding in our wake.
            “I’m going to walk ahead,” I call back to David. “Check out the road near the first dry creek.” Within ten feet, the evidence of just how much rain has hit the area surfaces with the road totally washed out. Nothing short of a 4-Wheel-Drive can make it over this section of road!
            “We’re going to have to leave the car here and backpack it into the cabin,” I suggest to David.
            “Maybe we can fill in that section and crawl on through,” David proposes as he approaches me, trailing both dogs. Then he sees the washed-out patch and scans another worse area about fifteen feet ahead. “Maybe not.”
            “Why don’t we at least move the car off so we’re not blocking the road and hike up to the cabin? We’re this close, and we can at least check it over—even if we don’t stay.”
 
Koi and Bridget on the road on a dry day
            Bridget and Koi meander ahead of me, dodging off the road as they sniff and scout. David snugs the car into a little grassy area, and together we pick our way over exposed rock beds and slip-n-slide up the last hill to our cabin. We quickly circle the exterior of the small house doing a visual check for damage or break-ins. Shedding our mud caked shoes, we both feel relief to find the interior tidy and inviting.
            Our relief, however, proves short-lived since our return trek to the car forces us to look at the road from a totally different view. Our low slung sedan had eased over one stretch because we nosed at a downward angle. Going upward seems impossible since the car needs to climb over four to six inch ledges with sharp edges.
            Panic floods me and I double over weak kneed, “Ohgodohgodohgod, we’re trapped!”
            David stands beside me, “We can hug that area over there,” he points to a berm of rock and gravel created by an earlier grating. “If we fill in this section a little more, I think I can get the car through.”
            “What about that section?” I point up the road about eight feet further along. “Will you be able to zig the car over from that side to this better area in that short of a distance?”
            “We’ll need to fill in a much as we can, but I think I can do it.”
            We lift, shift, heave and shove smaller rocks and gravel into the areas where David plans on driving. By now, the dogs have sensed our anxiety and a muddied Koi tries to follow David into the car. Since he doesn’t want any distractions as he’s driving, I haul the squirming dog into my arms and start guiding David over the stretch of repairs.
            He doesn’t make it very far when the tires sink into the loose gravel and hold fast. Stuck!
            “Should I back up?”
            “No. We’re only moving forward.”
            David pops out of the car to check the front wheel on the driver’s side and begins digging around it. I drop Koi, who scurries into the open car and jumps onto the blanket that covered the backseat. Bridget takes advantage of our distraction and jumps into the car, too. On hands and knees, I claw away everything by the front passenger tire.
            David scrutinizes the path again, decides we’ll not get a better shot, and restarts the car. He has to give it a little gas to push it free and has almost no time to shift its course to hit the next stretch of road at the correct angle, but skill and luck propel him over and onto a smooth patch. Victory!
            Covered in grime and sweat, I sink with relief into the passenger seat.
            “It was like driving over wet marbles,” amazement tinges David’s voice. He shifts out of park and it’s only a few seconds before the car’s wheels touch our neighbor’s blacktop.
            “We weren’t stupid,” I point out. “We stopped when we hit that first rock.”
            “Well, I’d say we were one toe into stupid.”
 
Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman
              
 
Dry portion of our road. A slip-n-slide of clay this trip.