This morning, as I plugged my cell phone into an outlet, I found myself wishing that I could recharge my batteries as easily. Today’s Monday, and fatigue rolled out of bed with me this morning. Often people counsel me, “take care of yourself” while I take care of my mother, but it’s a difficult task to accomplish. No matter how tired I feel, I still have to tend to my mother’s needs. I rely heavily upon David to help in the mornings (he often gets up after only four or five hours of sleep when she will no longer sleep). Once 8 o’clock arrives, though, I’m on my own until David returns at 6 PM.
Weekend visits from my siblings help dramatically, but they fly by too quickly to really get much of a break. Both my brother and my sister usually arrive on Friday evenings and leave early Sunday mornings. That only gives us Saturday. Often, we use that free day to accomplish errands that David and I need to do together. Sometimes we pick up Paul and enjoy a nice evening meal at a favorite restaurant. But almost always we spend part of that “day off” still in our home helping with something Mom needs.
I dream of spending an entire weekend in bed, reading a paperback novel grabbed from the grocery store checkout counter. I snooze whenever I want for as long as I want. When I finally get out of bed, it’s to light scented candles and take a bubble bath without getting dragged out by someone else’s needs and wants. I get to spend as much time as I want swinging in my tree, and I don’t run any errands, cook any meals, make any beds, or deal with anyone’s demands.
For now, my batteries never get fully recharged. Some days, like today, I start at 40%. I am fortunate because I haven’t dipped into the dangerously drained levels yet because of the aid from my husband. I worry, though, that his batteries need recharging, too. My son, brother, and sister all help frequently and cheerfully, but the block of time they can stay limits my ability to get fully revitalized. Eventually, we’ll need a vacation where we can really plug in and recharge.
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