Over
the last half year, a friend caused me pain and sorrow. The details don’t
matter. In the past, the old me would’ve accepted her cut-and-paste
explanations that appeared in a few texts and with birthday and Christmas
cards. My weaknesses to walk in another person’s shoes to understand their
reasons would’ve made me not only accept her excuses, but empathize with her.
My desire not to cause waves or do anything more that would risk our friendship
would’ve led me to mentally offering her a period of grace to remedy the hurt.
My
self-talk, in the past, would’ve gone like this: She really is extremely busy. She isn’t intentionally leaving me out.
She wants to see me, but other people take priority.
“Past
Me” would’ve provided even more excuses for her beyond the artificial ones she
repeatedly gave. I would’ve talked myself into believing her wishes
superseded mine. I would’ve responded to her minimal contact with upbeat,
understanding texts or calls.
My
best friend died this spring from Alzheimer’s. Sometimes she initiated contact
with me, and we’d circle round, round, round and round with her memories or her
latest obsessive topic. Her steadfast love for me never wavered. When she
called me twenty times a day, I’d stop whatever I was doing to rerun the same
conversation. It didn’t matter. I could remember the girls and women we once
were, even if she couldn’t. With our last conversation, we talked of music and
our dogs. She knew me in that moment, and held me special in her life.
This
other friend’s rejection, no matter how I tried to justify or rationalize it,
made me realize that “Past Me” needed to be buried once and for all.
I
wrote a letter.
Hand
written.
Posted
just like hundreds of other letters sent to this friend.
I
released her from any obligation she may feel to continue our bond.
I
wrote my own Declaration of Independence. I repeated her many excuses sent to
me that proved she no longer needed me. I reminded her of our history together
and added that the tapestry that we sewed together had tied its final knot.
This
Declaration marked an important change for me. I’ve come to realize that
friends should grace my life and not diminish me.
Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman
