“A Sense of Humor”

            A few days ago, I sniped at my husband over something truly trivial. David clings to two ancient tower Macs. When we ripped out the bedroom carpet and laid new tile, I suggested he donate them someplace. Last year, we purchased matching desks for each of our workstations. Although I suggested he ditch them then, he has them collecting dust on each side of the desk’s lower platform. Last week, David’s company announced they want his department to become permanent remote workers. My nagging about the computers snapped out as we discussed how to fit another system in his space. Almost immediately, I flagged my overreaction. Although we’ve crammed our desks into our master bedroom, the way David organizes his work area really doesn’t impact me.

                Later in the day, I apologized for snapping at him.

                He’d forgotten the entire incident. 

            In forty-one years of marriage, we’ve hurled out our frustration and anger in various arguments. In our early years, we flared over lack of money and feeling overworked and underappreciated. My narcissistic in-laws pulled me into and out of their dysfunctional dance so many times that after visits with them I either vomited or escalated into justifiable (to me) rages that took all night for recovery. Once I gave myself permission to walk away from them, my temper flashes sparked over the smaller trials and tribulations that life hands us. David’s easy going nature means he has a longer simmer time before he even heated. I can count on my hand how many times he’s actually reached boiling point in the years we’ve been together. He has a tremendously forgiving nature, always sees the best in other people’s intentions, and can forget transgressions almost as soon as they’ve happened. 

            The pandemic means we’ve spend a shitload of time together. While other friends complain about feeling trapped with their spouses since March, we’ve found a satisfying rhythm to our days. David logs into work by 8:00. I head outside to hand water the yards and garden. Around 9:30, I start my designated daily chore, log blogging time, and we both finish up around noon to break for lunch. During the afternoons, I play computer games, do a limited social media exposure, and then read for a few hours. Sometimes I binge watch on a show that I know David won’t like (lately it’s been Cold Squad a Canadian TV show from the late 90s). Most days, I cook dinner, but not always. I do another run on Facebook while cooking. 

            During that time, I skim over my feed looking for something funny to give me a giggle. Every day, I’ll snigger over some YouTube video, meme, or well written quip and hit the SHARE option to tag to David. Then I realize that the chuckle originated from David’s page! This happens multiple times daily and has been our pattern for the last six months. During the evenings, we indulge ourselves on shows like Schitt’s Creek or our favorite late night comedy. 

            I want to step away from sniping and move into snickering. Arming myself with a sense of humor may be the best way to survive these next few months. 

Copyright 2020 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman