"If you keep your mouth shut, you will never put your foot into it." Austin O'Malley
I hate it when my observation skills
dull, and I don’t notice the subtle signs during a conversation with someone
that my words have somehow slipped into a sensitive zone. Usually, this occurs
when my personal experience with the topic proves limited, and I begin with an
incredulous statement like, “You’ve GOT to be kidding!”
As my sluggish mind tries to grasp a new concept, my
mouth keeps going; and I inevitably say something that ticks someone off. I
never intend to do this, of course. And because my thoughts slowly sift through
this new information, I don’t notice the indications that my opinion counters
the very personal interpretations of my listener. The slight intake of breath of
the other person goes unobserved. I blunder onward, stupidly asking questions
to clarify something which my conversation partner feels is obvious. I unwittingly
say the perfectly wrong thing.
By then, no matter
how deeply into the zone of oblivion I’ve stumbled, my listener’s response
pulls me to an awkward stop. I feel my eyes widen and my face redden as I try
to determine which treacherous ideas or statements caused the response I
belatedly notice. The other person’s lips purse tightly, and I can discern
grinding teeth or a clenched jaw. This friend shifts with muscle tense,
preparing for fight or flight.
My brain races to
rewind the conversation and determine where I first entered perilous ground. If
I can discern that moment, I quickly offer an apology for unintentionally
upsetting the other person, but the damage cannot undo itself. Sometimes, my
thoughtless response goes beyond justification because it questioned a
fundamental view of my conversation partner. Saying, “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry! I
didn’t know you’d get upset,” seems inadequate. When that happens, I simply veer
the conversation quickly onto another topic, hoping desperately that my friend
will graciously forgive me and kindly allow me to remove my foot.
Copyright 2013 Elizabeth Abrams Chapman
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